All I wanted to do was laundry. Mountains of it, because of a weekend getaway. A getaway with not much time for internetting or emailing or streaming. I was out of the loop, for like, two days.
My energy level lagged a little. I had a vacation hangover, so I thought I would find some upbeat music to make the unpacking pass. Beyonce popped in my head. I think because she trended on Twitter and Facebook as I checked them after hours in the wilds of Southern Ohio. I also received several emails about her (not from her, so I deleted them). I wouldn’t say I was in the Beyhive, but I like her music and have been known to sing along to, “Survivor,” once or twice. Loudly.
So Spotify apologized for not having Lemonade yet but assured me they were working on it. I’d never seen a message like this before on Spotify. Usually, they are trying to get me to upgrade to a paid subscription (they don’t know how cheap I am). But considering I didn’t even know Lemonade existed, I wasn’t too disappointed.
Beyonce Is Dirty And Needs A Bath
Shuffle the Beyonce playlist? Don’t mind if I do.
I’m thinking, “Best Thing I Never Had,” or “Irreplaceable.” “Single Ladies,” would be nice.
I got, “Drunk In Love.”
Explicit version.
The Spotify explicit version.
Which sounds like the normal explicit version, except for a bonus Jay Z rap.
Did he just say he impregnated his bride’s mouth?? Why, yes he did.
He said a bunch of other things too, but I can’t put them in this post because my mother will read it. She may be the only one too, so I need to hold onto her.
After I picked myself up off the floor, I actually listened to the song.
It was dirty. No two ways about it. I mean, I already knew what it was about, but I didn’t know WHAT IT WAS ABOUT. Mostly, because I can’t understand it.
Surfboarding – Thought that was a coastal recreational pastime.
Cigar’s on ice? Use this ashtray, otherwise, the paper will get soggy and won’t stay lit properly.
Drinking watermelon…I love fruit based smoothies! Pass one here 🙂
A young friend of mine explained. Surfboarding and grinding on wood. Well, that’s about the actual act of lovemaking, Jen. Grow up.
Cigar’s on ice is a term for a sexually frustrated male human being. Obvs.
Drinking watermelon. Watermelon has seeds. THINK ABOUT IT. Semen??
I’m A Mayon
I’m no prude. Remember the Berlin song from the 80s? “Sex (I’m A)?
Please, please, please watch the video, and then come back.
That was dirty, but they spelled it out for us in the song lyrics. Then they provided some weird visual cues for us, in case we were still unclear.
We start, in the video, with entering a woman’s red lipsticked mouth and then we travel through a tunnel. There is a dude with make-up pawing a mannequin. Some hot kissing and hugging action reflected in a shattered mirror, 80s style.
Um, a big buffet? Lots of food and cutting of big roasts and that sort of thing. Oysters and grapes.
We end with Terri Nunn and the dude with the Revlon blush-on, bumping into each other at a party, both of them with their cigars on the ice. They clutch each other with delight because they are about to go SURFBOARDING.
Ah, THAT was music, kids! All dirty and filthy. A clearly stated message.
Frankly, Beyonce and Jay Z just confuse me.
UPDATE: Rumor is Jay Z may be getting his wood ground somewheres else. I hope they work it out because he does like to look at her fatty.
Yes, your Mother read it. I had to take a Xanax and put a wet cloth on my head!